….YOU CAN START WITHOUT HIM

When G and I decided to write this blog, we hoped that documenting our sexual experiences publicly would do a couple of things.  First, it would place sex in the context of a whole lifetime together – its contribution to a healthy, fully-functioning relationship.  Second, the blog would hopefully help people understand that fucking is more than the missionary position once a week in the dark.  We wanted to talk about fuck-sneezes and the different kinds of orgasms and all the other wonderful things we discovered along the way.  And, third, we knew that there must be people out there who have taken it farther than we we have – who have made their own discoveries and would be willing to share them. 

It has taken awhile but that is beginning to happen.  As more and more of you find this blog and respond to it, I’m seeing what appears to be an emerging pattern.  Most responses are from women and, no surprise, a lot of you who are happy to share that are having great sex and enjoying yourselves tremendously.  We love those stories.  But there are a lot of you trying to find ways to get your husbands to move past old habits and limited expectations.  That’s tough one. 

We guys don’t like to talk about this stuff and many of us would not welcome somebody telling us that there might be…shall we say… “room for improvement”?  But that might not matter as much as it seems.  Some of you are telling us that you’re starting without him – you arechanging your own attitude which is causing welcome changes in his responses and his attitude.  You get more playful and he joins in.     

You don’t have to tell him what you’re doing, just do it.  Make it a game.  If you have PMS, grab him next time and show him what he’s been missing.  Change the way you masturbate him or give fellatio and, if he starts squirming impatiently, tell him to relax and let you enjoy yourself.  Whisper, “Take your time” or “slow down…that feels good” into his ear when something feels nice.  See how far you can take him.  If you or he starts to sneeze, wrap your legs around him and enjoy it.  If he does something you like, make sure he knows you like it and that you would like to do it again.  Soon.  Make improving the sexual component of your relationship an important and on-going part of your life.  Read back over the first two or three posts here and get some ideas.  Or come up with your own.  Give it some time.  Lead the way.  Be a lover.  

Another positive thing we’re learning from your comments and emails is that women tend to talk more freely about sex with your female friends.  Some readers have found us because friends told them about the blog.  If you think it appropriate, recommend the blog to them.  Compare experiences.  Support each other.  Sharing fun little secrets is always good for a friendship. If your husbands are friends, you might find delightfully devious ways to get them talking to each other about what’s happening in the bedroom.  

This is supposed to be fun so play with it.  Be creative and enjoy the game. If you can change the attitude in the bedroom, I believe everything else will change with it.  G and I want you to be happy.