“Losing virginity” is a strange concept to me. Telling, though. I suppose it generally means having coitus for the first time. For women, it also has nuances of that Hyman thing that some virginal women have and some virginal women don’t. Our language regarding sex is as cumbersome and convoluted as our attitudes about it – attitudes that are constantly slapped between the simple beauty of this wonderful gift we all have, the culturally induced guilt about it we are expected to carry and the power it gives or removes from each of us in our relationships. But, the misconceptions within the language are not the problem. The problem is not trying to determine what the word “virginity” means, the problem is in the word “losing”. We linguistically turn having the greatest physical pleasure it is possible to have into a loss. A pleasure so intense that it approaches pain. Even worse, a permanent loss because, once its gone, it’s gone. Virginity isn’t some holy state of being and certainly not something most of us regret not having anymore. G and I didn’t “lose our virginity” in the back seat of that ’57 Ford Fairlane 500 on the back row of a drive in movie all those years ago. That’s where and when we became fully alive – where we were changed in very fundamental ways. Permanently. We gained new worlds of emotion and pleasure and states of being. A new position in the world. And we lost nothing. We liked it. Still do.
I hope you are finding something here, in this blog, that is useful to you – something that helps you be a better lover. If you are new here and have not scrolled down to the beginning, please do. I believe you will see things differently if you do. And let me know what you think. Thank you, R