Losers, Winners, Guilty Sinners

“Losing virginity” is a strange concept to me.  Telling, though.  I suppose it generally means having coitus for the first time.  For women, it also has nuances of that Hyman thing that some virginal women have and some virginal women don’t.  Our language regarding sex is as cumbersome and convoluted as our attitudes about it – attitudes that are constantly slapped between the simple beauty of this wonderful gift we all have, the culturally induced guilt about it we are expected to carry and the power it gives or removes from each of us in our relationships.  But, the misconceptions within the language are not the problem.  The problem is not trying to determine what the word “virginity” means, the problem is in the word “losing”.  We linguistically turn having the greatest physical pleasure it is possible to have into a loss.  A pleasure so intense that it approaches pain.  Even worse, a permanent loss because, once its gone, it’s gone.  Virginity isn’t some holy state of being and certainly not something most of us regret not having anymore.  G and I didn’t “lose our virginity” in the back seat of that ’57 Ford Fairlane 500 on the back row of a drive in movie all those years ago.  That’s where and when we became fully alive – where we were changed in very fundamental ways.  Permanently.  We gained new worlds of emotion and pleasure and states of being.  A new position in the world. And we lost nothing.  We liked it.  Still do.

I hope you are finding something here, in this blog, that is useful to you – something that helps you be a better lover. If you are new here and have not scrolled down to the beginning, please do. I believe you will see things differently if you do. And let me know what you think. Thank you, R

2 thoughts on “Losers, Winners, Guilty Sinners

  1. Thank you for putting down your thoughts. I am about two decades younger but have had similar experiences. I’ve once or twice experienced the ‘purge orgasm’. Your description of premature ejaculation and how to thwart is exactly the same for me. Keep on enjoying each other and letting others know that happiness is not a dirty word.

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    1. Thank you, LT! The comments and emails I am receiveing show that the experiences I tried to describe in the blog are fairly common, although not all of us experience the same ones in the same ways. Our goal for this blog is not to teach people how to fuck but to let readers know that there is a whole world of sexual expereiences that most aren’t even aware of. The first step is to bring these experieences out into the light and talk about them. Perhaps, if we can help with that, the academic, scientific and commercial communities will begin to focus less on trying to prop up low expectations and treating the consequences of those expectations and, instead, start expanding the possibilities. The 50’s are a wonderful time of life. Enjoy them!

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